Top Ten Final Fantasy Overkills

   10/04/2009 at 15:04       NewYork       6 COMMENTS.
If you're going to play Final Fantasy, you're going to have to suspend your disbelief, a little. And if you're willing to accept that a sulky teen can kill a dinosaur, you're willing to accept anything. That's why we take the following attacks with a grain of salt.

Here follows the top ten Final Fantasy attacks that went above and beyond the boundaries of plausibility, necessity, and extravagance. It's the top ten Final Fantasy overkills.

10: Omnislash
Cloud Strife, hero of FFVII, slices and dices his enemy for a total of fifteen surgically-precise slashes. Dude, you probably killed him with the first stab. Heck, I think I'd die just looking at that big-ass sword.

9: My Final Heaven
Force equals mass x acceleration, and Zell of FFVIII has acceleration down to an art. He'd certainly make a sizzling cricket bowler.

8: Blasting Zone
When you're up against a T-Rex, you probably want to come strapped with the biggest sword possible. Not content with cutting up the short-armed bipedal to within an inch of its life, Squall Leonhart—bigshot of FFVIII—proceeds to raise his sword to the heavens. With some kind of unexplained mystical lightsaber-y action, a shaft of energy extends up from his sword, not as just as tall as the T-Rex, not even as tall as two T-Rexes, but tall enough to reach freakin' outer space. Overcompensating for something?

7: Ultimate End
Final Fantasy characters are never shy about summoning some friends to help them out, but it really takes something to get thirteen of your mates to gang up on your opponent. Seeing as these guys are King Arthur and his knights, you'd think any one of them could probably handle the job on his own. Heck, the second guy with the helicopter lance would be fine by me. By the time the ninth knight hurls huge comets at your enemy, it's likely that the rest are just posturing.

6: Great Attractor
Ultimecia, the big baddie of FFVIII, decides to unleash some pain on your sorry behind by flinging three planets and an asteroid (you know, for variety) at you. No, Powerman 5000, this is what it's like when worlds collide.

5: Exa Flare
Now this is undeniable proof that you don't want to make dragons angry - because when Bahamut is furious, he destroys satellites. Attacking your enemy from outer space, Bahamut uses the Moon as a conductor for focusing his powerful laser attack, pretty much shattering it in the process. I'm pretty sure that beam killed millions in the process, too. Oh well, what's an RPG without a few burned down villages?

4: Eternal Breath
Nobody is entirely sure what the summon Eden is all about, or what exactly goes on during its minute-and-a-half attack sequence. But you might say the gist is this: Eden arrives from some freaky distant world, proceeds to manipulate space-time in order to turn the entire world into some kind of egg-timer-cum-cannon, and then with laser precision fires the enemy out of this gigantic cannon, right into the centre of a galaxy, which in turn creates a black hole of immense proportions. Insert a mystery step here, which sends the enemy hurtling back down to Earth, crippling their legs. Now, is all that really necessary? Eden could've just descended a little lower when it arrived and have squashed the poor dude.

3: Supernova
Sephiroth, big baddie of FFVII, decides to unleash some pain on your sorry behind by... well... destroying the entire solar system. Witness Sephie's meteor smashing Pluto to pieces, turning it from not-a-planet to not-an-anything. Saturn and Jupiter are no match for this baby. Finally, the Sun gets irritated, and swallows up Mercury and Venus. Looks like our planet is next on the hitlist! Kinda puts a dampener on trying to save Earth when it has just been enveloped by a star.

2: Final Eclipse
But just when you thought that Squeenix couldn't top the very destruction of Earth as an OTT attack, here comes the summon Zodiark, from FFXII. Again a somewhat difficult attack to follow, the gist is this: Zodiark dives into the sea and re-emerges in egg form - the egg hatches to reveal Zodiark's true, feathered self. Ready to kick some butt, Zodiark charges up into a vibrant burning creature (flame on!), and flies off into space. After charging up a bunch more times—this is going to take some energy—Zodiark finally heads off to collide with the enemy. Upon colliding, it destroys the very fabric of reality. Seriously, kids, don't try this at home.

1: Eternal Darkness
The final entry scales down the destruction but does not skimp on pure pageantry. Ark, from FFIX, is a summon who is all about the entrance. Ark arrives in style from outer space, and doesn't attack until he's looking just right. And it's not enough that he nukes the enemy to Hell with laser-guided precision: he has to finish off with a charged sword attack so violently powerful that the afterblast extends far into the galaxy. Hey, at least he leaves our planet unharmed. Almost.

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Hughes. - on 10/04/2009 at 17:42 wrote:
I'm trying to remeber what ridiculous task I had to do to get the Omnislash limit break, I think you had to win a huge number of battles in Battle Square at Gold Saucer, but you weren't allowed to leave Battle Square between matches, so you had to do all your healing and status-effect fixes in battle, with handicaps like "no magic", "materia broken", "no items" thrown at you.

What a bastard!

There was actually a better sword than Cloud's ultimate weapon, if you had enough strength it would always hit at 9999hp, whereas Ultimate weapon only dealt damage equal to Cloud's current hp.

I'm getting misty eyed just thinking of materia combinations, master Knights of the Round junctioned with master X-Summon, First Attack and all the party with mime materia, You could have 6 castings of Ultimate End before the opponent had even got an attack in.

HairyArse - on 10/04/2009 at 18:36 wrote:
What is this emo shit?

NewYork - on 10/04/2009 at 18:40 wrote:

This is what playing Persona 4 does to a person!

nekotcha - on 10/04/2009 at 19:40 wrote:
Reminds me how much I liked the FFIX battle theme. And Cloud's Omnislash. And Knights of the Round.

And how annoying the combat was in FFVIII - see number 9 for proof: chap produces an attack powerful enough to warrant pulling back to a long shot OF THE ENTIRE PLANET, how much damage does it cause? 107HP. Rubbish. If I've produced an attack that big I want to see 9's, and lots of 'em.

Edit: Oh yes, and awesome article by the way.

Syrok - on 11/04/2009 at 12:33 wrote:
Heh, FF is a bit trashy.

peej - on 14/04/2009 at 16:29 wrote:
This is the sort of thing that makes me have a moment of geek panic that I haven't got a bastard clue what it's all about.

But then I calm down and realise it's just Final Fantasy therefore is not applicable to me. I am immune! I had my jabs!

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