Clash of the Titans Review

   01/07/2010 at 11:23       Chris OToole       4 COMMENTS. - Score 3/5
 - Clash of the Titans, Namco Bandai, Medusa, Pegasus, Codpiece

So, Clash of the Titans: The Videogame. The game of the remake of the well regarded 80's epic, can it break the game of the movie curse? Even though the very film it is in itself based on sucked the salt from a hundred Greek soldier's sweaty ball sacks?

The answer may surprise you, read on my curious friend.

Shitus Moan.

In Clash of the Titans: The Videogame, from here on know as COTTTV, you play Perseus Mitchell, the long lost Mitchell brother, blasted back in time from Albert Square only to find he is actually the son of Zeus, king of the very gods themselves. Blessed with a face full of Botox, very little facial animation, the very worst of voice acting, and, for some reason, bizarrely short arms, your quest begins.

Some shit goes down in your fishing village, badly animated family members die, badly textured baddies appear and diss your shizzle, and you volunteer to rescue Princess Missing-a-few-Polygons from another castle. It's the usual story, but to be fair, it's better than the one they had in the film. Mind you, I'm sure my Dog could have burped a better script than that film.

Permanent Loan.

So, now we have established that COTTTV looks like something from the PS2 era, well something from from the PS2 era that my gran has chewed up and shat out, how does it play?

Well it certainly makes it difficult for anyone to like it immediately, it's a fighter at heart, think God Of War, or the Conan game, Quests are given to you by characters who stand in bland backdrops with arrows above their heads, and quite a few of them are of them are of the 'Oooh, Monsters are attacking!' variety.

In fact one lot of missions that pissed me off took place just after you've saved the King of Argos and his daughter (and no they aren't uber chavs covered in cheap silver bling, unfortunately) from super evil God Hades, do you get to rush out on your mission to save the city right away? Nope you get to perform mundane task killing jumpy frog me for the town guard because they 'don't trust you'. It's a bit like buying super swords to save the world in RPG's. How much? You want the world saved you better just hand it over, you mercenary prick!

Traffic Cone.

Anyway, I digress. Shortly after that section something happened. Something I can truly say I never expected to happen. I started to enjoy it. Yep, really.

The combat system actually has a surprising depth to it, when you are attacked wielding weapons you can weaken them with your attacks until they flash red, and this is your opportunity to hit LB to seize it, a quick QTE starts, not unlike Lost Odyssey's concentric circles, but this time you are allowed to mash any button, and this is a God send (pun intended) for us folk who still have to look at the controller on these bloody things.

With the weapon now duly snagged, you can press red to use it, whether it be dual swords for lightning fast attacks, or a hammer for slow powerful moves, Cores can also be stolen from enemies and used in the same way for various effects, from barrier shields, healing and even martial arts prowess. Of course using these powerful tools has a cost, and in this case it's mana. This is acquired in much the same way as you'd seize a weapon, only you press RB instead, draining the creatures mana, but dissolving them with a killing blow, meaning you could miss out on that creatures weapon for your collection. With over eighty weapons, and each one upgradable from speed and strength to special abilities it can get quite compulsive to collect them all, and missions can be replayed, so you can pick up that missing skull hammer, or find the last few warrior bones you need to upgrade it.

Friend Zone.

All of which leaves me in a bit of a pickle, can I recommend this game to you even though it has the looks of a bulldog licking piss off a nettle?

Well, yes actually, it's a shame they obviously had to rush this out for the films release date, and I doubt they had the largest budget in the world, but if you ever enjoyed Too Human, or one of those other games that look like arse, yet get strangely addictive given the chance, then you could do much worse than to give this a shot.

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