Ten signs you play too much Call of Duty

   14/12/2009 at 20:35       Richard Horne       11 COMMENTS.
 - Call Duty, Modern Warfare 2, Oscar Mike, OCD, königgrätzer marsch

1 - You see a plane in the sky and instinctively reach for your Stinger missile.

2 - You have the königgrätzer marsch as your ringtone.

3 - When walking the streets you can’t help but strafe around corners, crouch behind cars and run for cover whenever you see a helicopter or low flying plane. You also regularly check windows and the horizon for snipers.

4 - When speaking to friends you say “I’m Oscar-Mike” to let them know you’re on your way. And you think nothing of using the words “tango”, “x-ray”, “hitman-actual” and “UAV” in every day conversation.

5 - You know your kill to death ratio and weapon accuracy off the top of your head across all three Call of Duty games and have a stat trackers installed on your phone or PC. And heaven forbid anyone else ever tries to every play using your account - their life would not be worth living. In fact the game is less about having fun and more about comparing the size of your e-penis with that of your friends.

6 - You’ve forfeited sex with your girlfriend because you didn’t want to break your hot streak of victories.

7 - You’ve been kept awake all night because you can’t help but play imaginary games over and over. In fact you probably once had your best ever round where you were 37/5 and then came to, disappointed that it wasn’t real.

8 - You regularly suffer from ‘CoD claw’ which you believe to be an officially recognised medical condition. Sufferers feel an incessant aching in their trigger fingers and wrists and struggle to straighten their hooked digits.

9 - You’ve experienced ‘CoD Rage’ and lambasted a loved one for daring to walk in front of the TV or speak to you mid-game. You’ve also berated someone for daring to use the internet mid-game, thus making your game unplayable and lowering your overall kill to death ratio.

10 - You’re insanely OCD about your gaming setup. You have to sit dead centre on the gaming sofa with adequate neck and back support. Your joypad’s batteries have to be fully charged, in fact brand new joypads are always preferable. And if any one single thing is out of place, your gaming mojo is lost and you just know you’ll never get a kill streak above 2.

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peej - on 15/12/2009 at 08:39 wrote:
 
Ten signs you're an Assassin's Creed 2 addict.

1) You keep looking up at buildings and thinking "yeah, handhold there...foothold there"

2) Er...

 

HairyArse - on 15/12/2009 at 08:57 wrote:
 
Ha, I did that after Crackdown.
 

peej - on 15/12/2009 at 10:34 wrote:
 
I do remain convinced that you could put up a headline that says "Call of Duty Modern Warfare 2 Cream cake hovercraft hatstand eels" and then put lorem ipsum as the body text and it'd still be the number one most read article of the week, every week.

amirite?
 

LarryBong - on 15/12/2009 at 10:55 wrote:
 
"Call of Duty Modern Warfare 2 Cream cake hovercraft hatstand eels"

- well if you call it that, then of course everyone will want to read it.
 

peej - on 15/12/2009 at 11:06 wrote:
 
Alright, how about something like "Reading this Call of Duty: Modern Warfare 2 article will make your balls shrink to the size of penny gobstoppers"
 

LarryBong - on 15/12/2009 at 11:12 wrote:
 
No... I think I would still read that - just to see if it happens.

besides what's so great about large balls?
small ones would probably be much more practical.
 

peej - on 15/12/2009 at 11:16 wrote:
 
Eeek, I've been hoisted by my own petard. There is a new COD story - a real one, and a nasty one at that...

Busted ammo counters on Xbox 360 version of COD:MW2
 

Syrok - on 15/12/2009 at 13:48 wrote:
 
Is this a confession, Hairy? :)
 

NewYork - on 15/12/2009 at 13:50 wrote:
 
1. If you play Call of Duty at all
 

DDevil - on 17/12/2009 at 08:32 wrote:
 
11. You write articles on "signs you play too much CoD".
 

Tiger_Walts - on 14/01/2010 at 16:07 wrote:
 
Signs You've Played Too Much Saboteur

-You've begun shouting 'Sunnnuvvabitch!' in an Irish accent when something goes wrong. Usually when falling.

-You remark that it's "...fun, but hell on me hands." when getting to the vinegar strokes.

-You look for anything with a red glow as that denotes a hostile. The alarm clock is already in peieces and God help your 360 if it red-rings.

-You incur the attention of the authorities just so that you can kiss random women.

-You wonder why the steering on your car suddenly feels so responsive but you feel that it could benefit from the addition of a mounted machine-gun.

-You feel the urge to throw anyone near a railing over the edge.

-You have an attraction to racing cars, like to dress in SS uniforms and hang about with prostitutes. Unless of course your name is Max Mosley.
 


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