Fuck me. Teleglitch: Die More Edition is really fucking hard, like really bastard hard, with a double dose of twatting tough on top. Developed by three fucking bastards from Estonia, this absolute shit of a game is a frustrating, rock-solid mother-fucking cunt.
It's also a solid gold slice of genius. Tits.
As much as I'd never like my mother to read that first paragraph, it's a fair assessment of my inner language when I was first coming to grips with the game. Teleglitch: Die More Edition describes itself as a Roguelike experience, what one of these is I have no idea, I've never played Rogue. Instead I'd describe it as a cross between Alien Breed, Left 4 Dead, the early Resident Evil games and those bits off Super Probotector/Super Contra, you know the ones with all the swooshy top down mode 7 graphics magic. Of course looking at the screenshots you'd think that visually Teleglitch doesn't hold a candle to even those ancient games, but you'd be wrong. At first the highly stylised nature of the graphics can be a little off-putting, but when you have five mutants swarming towards you and only seven bullets left, you'll be so glad you are able to pick out their pixel bonces from their pixel bodies.
Ostensibly a twin-stick shooter, Teleglitch is that and rather more. You start your adventure in a room where you have been hiding since some scientist bollocksed up an experiment in teleportation, bringing all manner of nastiness through from an otherworldly dimension. So with hunger forcing your hand, you must traverse the space base and find the teleporter on every level, each one taking you one step towards your ultimate freedom.
Of course this is easier said than done, each level is randomly generated at the start of every game, so these line-of-sight lit corridors and rooms will hold new surprises for you every time you play. Death is permanent in Teleglitch, so no levelling up or carrying your hard fought for booty into the next playthrough, once you are dead, you are DEAD. Hence all the swears up above. It's not a total swine though, you are allowed to save once you get to a teleporter, so you can have a nice lie down and get your nerves back in order before you go back and die again.
Helpfully the controls are perfect, they are responsive and accurate, holding down a mouse button and pressing the other to shoot in the direction you are aiming in, and yes this means no running and gunning, which just ups the tension even more. The mouse-wheel is used to scroll through your inventory to select various weapons, items and bombs, the latter of which can be used for groups of swarming baddies or for blowing open hidden walls and passageways. You can also craft items quickly and easily, hitting 'C' will show you everything you can build with your current loot and then it's just a matter of scrolling to it and pressing the mouse button.
Teleglitch: Die More Edition is a brilliant game, the more I hated it the more I loved it, though the one caveat I will add is that for a 'twin-stick shooter', it's sorely missing the option to actually use an actual controller should you wish to do so. Overall though this is a game that manages to nail several different genres at once, from survival horror to top down shooters and creative swearing sims. Teleglitch: Die More Edition is highly recommended, just don't play it with anyone else in earshot.
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