Search for the hero inside yourself...Or talk about men in tight shorts


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Legion
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I'm sure a lot of people here are aware of the hit US TV series "Heroes". If you've never heard of it the basic premise is that everyday people suddenly start developing powers/special abilities, such as the ability to fly, turn invisible, read minds, alter the time-space-continuum, talk to yourself in the mirror, walk through walls etc. etc.

I believe that there's a hero in all of us, and that as a part of evolution we will all start developing these special abilities for ourselves.

Has anyone here begun to notice anything unusual changing in them? Has anyone begun to develop a special power? If so, what is it?!

I already know what my power is. However, I'm struggling to see how it will help me save the world. I have the ability to pick the slowest queue. If it's in the supermarket, whichever till I join, regardless of the number of people and how many items need to be scanned, is always the slowest. On the odd occasion I've given up and changed queues, the new queue suddenly slows and the queue I left picks up again. It's uncanny. The same goes for queues of traffic on the motorway too.

Oh, and I think I'm developing a secondary ability which involves me only having to think of a film to have it appear on TV that very same week.

So go on, what are your powers?
#1 at 16:10:12 - 25/04/2007
peej
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I have the power to BEAT YOU SENSELESS for making me remember that song.

Peej
#2 at 16:11:09 - 25/04/2007
peej
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I have two proper powers.

I have the ability to "see" people as they will be when they're old. Seriously. I can mentally "age" people and picture them as they will be when they're pensioners

And I can also "will" tunes onto the radio.

Peej
#3 at 16:13:47 - 25/04/2007
Dougs
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peej said:I have the power to BEAT YOU SENSELESS for making me remember that song.

Peej


I concur. As soon as I hear that voice, I start to feel sick.
#4 at 16:14:07 - 25/04/2007
billdoor
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/points to "prolly" thread"

snorts air through nostrils
#5 at 16:15:23 - 25/04/2007
ilmaestro
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I'm pretty good at making the store around the corner from wherever I am decrease their price on whatever I'm buying from the store I'm currently in by the time I've walked around the corner.
#6 at 16:16:55 - 25/04/2007
Stevas
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/Already possesses the ability to confound and bewilder

Be afraid world. Be very afraid.






You know, I'm not saying I'll use it on the world or anything, just... watch out, kinda thing. Yeah?
/Does wavy freaky thing with hands






Hey, I'm not going to put a date on it, but I'm thinking I'll uneash it on or around... [/checks calendar] Tuesday. A tuesday in August.
2025, maybe. Give or take. Depending on the weather.
/shrugs






I should have left it at the be afraid bit, shouldn't I?
#7 at 16:17:52 - 25/04/2007
Legion
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billdoor said:/points to "prolly" thread"

snorts air through nostrils

Your special ability is to... breathe?!

#8 at 16:18:24 - 25/04/2007
Jiroczech
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Sure you do peej...

/rotates forefinger beside head and makes cuckoo noises
#9 at 16:19:53 - 25/04/2007
billdoor
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Legion said:
billdoor said:/points to "prolly" thread"

snorts air through nostrils

Your special ability is to... breathe?!



Actually it was in the UK-isms thread:

I've spent the last year or so developing my Nasal manoeuvre. Basically, when I blow air out of my nostrils, tilt my head back sligtly, and make a slight grunt and raise my eyebrows people now interpret it contextually to mean whatever they want:

Dave: He was a right wanker there eh?
Me: Nasal manoeuvre
Dave: Too fuckin right!

Chris: Fancy some GoW tongight?
Me: Nasal manoeuvre
Chris: Ace, see you at 8!

Gary: Look at the arse on her eh?
Me: Nasal manoeuvre
Gary: Lovely!

It took a bit of work to develop but its great as a labour saving device.


Call me NOSTRIL-MAN!!!!!!!
#10 at 16:22:45 - 25/04/2007
Furbs
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Any regular reader of the EG Premiership thread will know of my powers.

Liverpool dont stand a chance tonight. Gerrard has been shit all season and Bellamy doesnt score enough goals.
#11 at 16:26:48 - 25/04/2007
peej
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I really have got this song going round in my head though. I am most displeased.

Oh and for the record, who the fuck calls themselves SHOVELL?

EH???

Peej
#12 at 16:36:20 - 25/04/2007
Stevas
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Furbs said:Any regular reader of the EG Premiership thread will know of my powers.

Liverpool dont stand a chance tonight. Gerrard has been shit all season and Bellamy doesnt score enough goals.


I'm guessing you have a power much the same as my secondary one: the slagging off of any player will result in said player playing a blinder. It's freaky, cos it only works if I'm NOT doing it on purpose (As you were, just up there, look - so it won't work). Conversely, if I DO do it on purpose (as you did, in a "let's slag him off in order to invoke it and force him to have a good game") then the player in question plays shit.

Shola Ameobi, eh?
#13 at 16:38:55 - 25/04/2007
markh
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Stevas said:
Furbs said:Any regular reader of the EG Premiership thread will know of my powers.

Liverpool dont stand a chance tonight. Gerrard has been shit all season and Bellamy doesnt score enough goals.


I'm guessing you have a power much the same as my secondary one: the slagging off of any player will result in said player playing a blinder. It's freaky, cos it only works if I'm NOT doing it on purpose (As you were, just up there, look - so it won't work). Conversely, if I DO do it on purpose (as you did, in a "let's slag him off in order to invoke it and force him to have a good game") then the player in question plays shit.

Shola Ameobi, eh?


hmm..i don't think that even if the whole of China all held hands and said "I THINK SHOLA AMEOBI IS SHIT" together, it would make him any good?
#14 at 16:46:25 - 25/04/2007
Stevas
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markh said:
Stevas said:
Furbs said:Any regular reader of the EG Premiership thread will know of my powers.

Liverpool dont stand a chance tonight. Gerrard has been shit all season and Bellamy doesnt score enough goals.


I'm guessing you have a power much the same as my secondary one: the slagging off of any player will result in said player playing a blinder. It's freaky, cos it only works if I'm NOT doing it on purpose (As you were, just up there, look - so it won't work). Conversely, if I DO do it on purpose (as you did, in a "let's slag him off in order to invoke it and force him to have a good game") then the player in question plays shit.

Shola Ameobi, eh?


hmm..i don't think that even if the whole of China all held hands and said "I THINK SHOLA AMEOBI IS SHIT" together, it would make him any good?


For precisely 3 games, my power alone was enough: FEAR ME, MORTAL.
#15 at 16:52:50 - 25/04/2007
Furbs
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Stevas said:
I'm guessing you have a power much the same as my secondary one: the slagging off of any player will result in said player playing a blinder. It's freaky, cos it only works if I'm NOT doing it on purpose (As you were, just up there, look - so it won't work). Conversely, if I DO do it on purpose (as you did, in a "let's slag him off in order to invoke it and force him to have a good game") then the player in question plays shit.

Shola Ameobi, eh?

Ok, so help me out here...what do I need to say to guarantee a result?

Did you say something about "jeezus Bramble, you're shit" the other day out of interest?
#16 at 16:52:59 - 25/04/2007
Legion
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NOoooooo!!! One of my threads derailed by football guff.

/tries to use superpowers to punish people

/fails
#17 at 16:58:15 - 25/04/2007
Tiger_Walts
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You had to make me post it...

Stephen Lynch
#18 at 16:58:16 - 25/04/2007
smoothpete
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One of my special powers is the ability to walk at a reasonable pace through the town centre without getting anyone's way, bumping into people, stopping for no reason and stopping at the top of escalators. It seems to be a power unique to me, no other fucker round here manages it!
#19 at 17:00:44 - 25/04/2007
Legion
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smoothpete said:One of my special powers is the ability to walk at a reasonable pace through the town centre without getting anyone's way, bumping into people, stopping for no reason and stopping at the top of escalators. It seems to be a power unique to me, no other fucker round here manages it!

Oooh, a power and a moan in one. Impressive.

#20 at 17:02:14 - 25/04/2007
mentat
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I have the ability to make electric lights go out when I'm in a *really* bad mood.

Seriously.
#21 at 17:02:34 - 25/04/2007
JimJam
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Similar to Legion's film power, I have the ability to make bands release albums by saying "Haven't heard anything from in ages, wonder what they're up to". Within a fortnight they've either released an album or announced that they're about to.
#22 at 17:02:50 - 25/04/2007
Stevas
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I did! But I'm always saying that with him, too. However, the other day I did it without thinking... and he was our best player on the bloody park!
NOTE: I also have the power to... erm... backdate my power (as long as I'm not aware of the result, of course), as I actually said this while watching the highlights on the night.
Don't ask me how I do this, I JUST DO.

So what you need to do is put forward your opinion on a given player with only the intent of putting forward an opinion - that is, it's not some ploy in order to force them to play a blinder. What you need is a mate who'll ask you - without prompting - what you think about whoever.

Some examples:

EXAMPLE 1
Mate: "Hey, what you thinking about tonight? Been a while since Bellamy scored."
You [remembering your power] "Yeah, he's shit, isn't he? I don't rate him at all. Fucking hopeless."
NET RESULT: Bellamy breaks his leg in the first five minutes.

EXAMPLE 2
Mate: "So what you thinking about Bellamy then? He gonna do anything for us tonight?"
You [recalling you'd asked this mate to do this]: "Yeah, heh, he's pretty shit at the moment isn't he? Due a decent game, surely."
NET RESULT: Bellamy gets sent off in first half. Again.

EXAMPLE 3 (NOTE: THIS IS THE ONE YOU WANT)
Mate: "Hey, I just figured out a way to combine cheese and bread that's gonna make me a millionaire. Oh, and what you doing for the match tonight?"
You [completely forgetting you and your mate had pre-arranged this]: "Cheese? Bread? That's been done already you crazy idiot! Oh, and I'll be flaked out in front of the telly with a lager watching Bellamy going clean through and missing. Again."
NET RESULT: Bellamy leads Liverpool to the quadruple - in one game - because the rest of the world call it a season as they don't see any point carrying on to the bitter end.
#23 at 17:10:20 - 25/04/2007
smoothpete
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Legion said:
smoothpete said:One of my special powers is the ability to walk at a reasonable pace through the town centre without getting anyone's way, bumping into people, stopping for no reason and stopping at the top of escalators. It seems to be a power unique to me, no other fucker round here manages it!

Oooh, a power and a moan in one. Impressive.

Thanks! :P

You've gotta search for the passive/aggresive cynical whinging bastard hero inside yourself
#24 at 17:13:16 - 25/04/2007
Legion
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I also have the magical ability to turn football speak into the following:


我! 但我总说那与他, 也是。但是, 我最近做了它没有认为...
并且他是我们的最佳的球员在血淋淋的公园!

注: 我作为I 并且有力量... erm... 追溯我的力量(只要我不意识到结果, 当然), 实际上说这当观看聚焦在夜。不要问我怎么我做这, 我。如此什么您需要做提出您的关于一个指定的球员的看法以唯一提出观点意向- 即, 这不是一些会话策略为了迫使他们演奏马眼罩。什么您需要是将要求您的伙伴- 没有提示- 什么您考虑谁。

一些例子:

例子1 伙伴: "嘿, 什么您考虑今晚? 是一会儿因为Bellamy 计分了。" 您[ 记住您的力量] "呀, 他是shit, 是吗? 我不对他估计根本。该死绝望。"

实际结果: Bellamy 伤他的腿在第一五分钟内。

例子2 伙伴: "如此什么您然后考虑Bellamy? 他去今晚做任何东西为我们?"

您[ 召回您要求这个伙伴做这]: "呀, heh, 他是俏丽的shit 当时不是他? 适当正派赛, 肯定。" 实际结果: Bellamy 得到送在前半。再。例子3 (笔记: 这是那个您想要)

伙伴: "嘿, 我推测方式结合做我百万富翁的乳酪和面包。噢, 和什么您今晚做为比赛?" 您[ 完全地Cheese? Bread?忘记您和您的伙伴有预先安排这]: "乳酪? 面包? 那已经做您疯狂的蠢货! 噢, 和我将被剥落在电视前面用贮藏啤酒观看Bellamy 去的干净通过和失踪。再。"

实际结果: Bellamy 带领利物浦四倍- 在一场游戏- 因为世界其他地方电话它季节因为他们不看些点继续对苦涩末端。


#25 at 17:21:09 - 25/04/2007
HairyArse
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Furbs said:Any regular reader of the EG Premiership thread will know of my powers.

Liverpool dont stand a chance tonight. Gerrard has been shit all season and Bellamy doesnt score enough goals.


I think it's time I started flexing my powers.

We are so getting fucking relegated this season.
#26 at 17:26:57 - 25/04/2007
Stevas
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No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, NO. ALL. WRONG.
You don't start out with the reference to the power. Are any of you paying attention, like, at all? It only works if you do it absent minded. Now, because you did it on purpose, Leeds will not only get relegated but will also be implicated in a terrorist plot to blow up Manchester, and the FA will dock them points accordingly.
#27 at 17:48:36 - 25/04/2007
Furbs
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Tight shorts? What is this, the 80's?

Actually, "Search for the hero inside your tight shorts" would work..
#28 at 18:44:29 - 25/04/2007
Tabasco
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I have the power to move you.

o/
#29 at 09:37:54 - 26/04/2007
billdoor
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That's levitation Holmes!
#30 at 10:12:10 - 26/04/2007

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