First word in a book I'm starting and I'm stuck :S


Author Reply
Carlo
Flag
Posts:931
Comments:67
Thread Kills:39(4%)
AATG Pts:80
Star Rating
Bronze Medal
So I've decided I might have a crack at writing another story. I've got a great idea. I'm stumbling on the first word however, so help me out:

The noise you hear a blacksmith makes when he's hitting a piece of metal on an anvil with a hammer. That noise you hear over and over again.

Whats the word (and indeed it's spelling)?
#1 at 17:38:15 - 16/07/2007
Mapster
Flag
Posts:859
Comments:72
Thread Kills:14(2%)
AATG Pts:80
Star Rating
Bronze Medal
Ker-ching!

Hyphen absolutely necessary :)
#2 at 17:41:21 - 16/07/2007
Carlo
Flag
Posts:931
Comments:67
Thread Kills:39(4%)
AATG Pts:80
Star Rating
Bronze Medal
Seriously?
#3 at 17:43:23 - 16/07/2007
Harry
Flag
Posts:939
Comments:7
Thread Kills:18(2%)
AATG Pts:0
Star Rating
Struggling on the first word?

Maybe writing's not your thing. :)

Claaaaang
#4 at 17:44:59 - 16/07/2007
Alastair
Flag
Posts:330
Comments:51
Thread Kills:11(3%)
AATG Pts:80
Star Rating
Bronze Medal
Mapster said:Ker-ching!


That's the sound of a cash register opening...

I would go with something along the lines of 'Dink'

Edit: 'Clang' makes it sound like it's a resonating noise. 'Dink' is more of a non-resonating type sound. 'Chink' might also work, although could possibly evoke thoughts of a smaller piece of metal.
#5 at 17:45:14 - 16/07/2007
kalel
Flag
Posts:312
Comments:17
Thread Kills:3(1%)
AATG Pts:90
Star Rating
Bronze Medal
Just a general tip for writing anything, creative or otherwise. It always takes a while to get into the swing and flow of something, and therefore you nearly always have to go back and rewrite the beginning anyway. My advice would be to dive in and just get anything down, use place holder bits of copy if you have to where it just says (blah blah blah happens here), anything to get your momentum going. Allowing yourself to get blocked when writing is bad and a waste of time. If you're struggling with one bit, just write another bit.
#6 at 17:48:20 - 16/07/2007
Tiger_Walts
Flag
Posts:1599
Comments:322
Thread Kills:67(4%)
AATG Pts:190
Star Rating
Gold Medal
Only the first word, that's not got much of an appeal.
#7 at 17:54:30 - 16/07/2007
billdoor
Flag
Posts:3886
Comments:183
Thread Kills:158(4%)
AATG Pts:180
Star Rating
Bronze Medal
Did you never finish that 5 book epic you had mapped out Carlo? I still have the first chapter to that somewhere :D
#8 at 17:54:34 - 16/07/2007
p3rks
Flag
Posts:39
Comments:2
Thread Kills:5(13%)
AATG Pts:0
Star Rating
Starting a book with an onomatopoeic (I impressed mself there) word is probably a bit strange as (proved by this thread) everyone has their own idea and may not hear what you mean them to.

but i'd go with 'Clang' personally.
#9 at 17:59:05 - 16/07/2007
peej
Flag
Posts:14637
Comments:4691
Thread Kills:462(3%)
AATG Pts:400
Star Rating
Gold Medal
Clang's good.

Or bang. Bang's a great word.

Peej

#10 at 18:04:04 - 16/07/2007
Carlo
Flag
Posts:931
Comments:67
Thread Kills:39(4%)
AATG Pts:80
Star Rating
Bronze Medal
billdoor said:Did you never finish that 5 book epic you had mapped out Carlo? I still have the first chapter to that somewhere :D
I decided to try something in the first person insted.

(it was a 3 book epic BTW).

Anyway. The very rough first few chapters to get a feeling of the words I'm trying to use.

(And yes, grammer nazi's, it's not been checked :D)

Clang, ching. Clang, ching. This is my earliest memory; the noise of metal on metal. Clang, ching. Clang ching. Over and over; the rhythm of my father's hand. His physical will over the white-hot metal. Clang, ching. Clang, ching.

The sparks from the char-coal furnace, dancing upwards to the open centre of the domed roof in the smoky smithy where I lay in my cot, close by my father. Mesmerised by the playful sparks, lulled by the rhythm of the hammer, and surrounded by the fire's warmth, my childhood was quite peaceful, quite cosy. Every once in a while, the red-cheeked face of my father peers over me, a smile warm and gentle greeting me. His eyes, always containing a touch of sadness, but so striking, so blue. But always full of love on that sooty face.

Every day, a woman would come in, lift me out of my cot and tease my father playfully about something, and he'd answer her back with a brave sounding voice, marked with sadness.

She wasn't my mother. As my first years passed and I gained my voice, my father explained to me how it was just me and him, no-one else. I would later learn of my mother dying giving birth to my younger sister, who also died with her. His eyes would cloud over, his brow would wrinkle even more than usual, and his tears would mix in with the dirt of work on his face.
#11 at 18:04:32 - 16/07/2007
MetalDog
Flag
Posts:279
Comments:5
Thread Kills:7(3%)
AATG Pts:50
Star Rating
I'd go with clang. I'd also take Kalel's approach - any time I get hung up on something relatively tiny, I just slap a note in to fix it later and plough on.

@edit - clang, ching works really well, actually =)
#12 at 18:05:54 - 16/07/2007
billdoor
Flag
Posts:3886
Comments:183
Thread Kills:158(4%)
AATG Pts:180
Star Rating
Bronze Medal
I'd go with some porno guitar music:
"wachachaca-wachachaca-wachachaca-wachachaca-wachachaca-wachachaca-" went the guitar as the axeman strummed along to the nekkid ladies gryations. Or was it the otherway round, were they gyrating to his wachachaca's? Either way both the music and the ladies were beautiful.

Now that's an onomatopoeic opening to a book :D
#13 at 18:06:30 - 16/07/2007
FlexibleFeline
Flag
Posts:1350
Comments:43
Thread Kills:25(2%)
AATG Pts:75
Star Rating
p3rks said:Starting a book with an onomatopoeic (I impressed mself there) word is probably a bit strange as (proved by this thread) everyone has their own idea and may not hear what you mean them to.

but i'd go with 'Clang' personally.


I'd agree that, for whatever reason, I'd be instantly sceptical of a book that started "clang", "clink", "whoosh", "doink" or any other such onomatopoiec word.

Not sure why that is though, perhaps I'm set in my ways...

Try:

"The sweat glistened on Gunter's body, a rich dancing red in the firelight, as he lifted his thick-muscled arm one more time, another step in the dance of man and metal, another step in the opera of the forge. He brought it down with all his might, beads of sweat flying off his torso like so many watery gems of flame.

CLANG!"

Yes, that's much better.
#14 at 18:06:49 - 16/07/2007
billdoor
Flag
Posts:3886
Comments:183
Thread Kills:158(4%)
AATG Pts:180
Star Rating
Bronze Medal
I didn't realise he was writing homoerotic fiction O_o
#15 at 18:09:17 - 16/07/2007
FlexibleFeline
Flag
Posts:1350
Comments:43
Thread Kills:25(2%)
AATG Pts:75
Star Rating
Well, he did write...

"The noise you hear a blacksmith makes when he's hitting a piece of metal on an anvil with a hammer. That noise you hear over and over again."

...and I guess I extrapolated somewhat. Ahem. I am perfectly at ease with my heterosexuality, I promise. :-)
#16 at 18:13:07 - 16/07/2007
Carlo
Flag
Posts:931
Comments:67
Thread Kills:39(4%)
AATG Pts:80
Star Rating
Bronze Medal
/abandons his own thread. :)
#17 at 18:16:12 - 16/07/2007
Alastair
Flag
Posts:330
Comments:51
Thread Kills:11(3%)
AATG Pts:80
Star Rating
Bronze Medal
Carlo said:
Clang, ching. Clang, ching. This is my earliest memory; the noise of metal on metal. Clang, ching. Clang ching. Over and over; the rhythm of my father's hand. His physical will over the white-hot metal. Clang, ching. Clang, ching.


Sounds good. Works better than 'Clang, dink' certainly.


The sparks from the char-coal furnace, dancing upwards to the open centre of the domed roof in the smoky smithy where I lay in my cot, close by my father. Mesmerised by the playful sparks, lulled by the rhythm of the hammer, and surrounded by the fire's warmth, my childhood was quite peaceful, quite cosy.


Sounds like a HSE nightmare! Did your father have adequate liability insurance?
#18 at 18:18:52 - 16/07/2007
billdoor
Flag
Posts:3886
Comments:183
Thread Kills:158(4%)
AATG Pts:180
Star Rating
Bronze Medal
First thing that will make me put a book down is 1st person, it blows IMHO :)
#19 at 18:22:16 - 16/07/2007
Carlo
Flag
Posts:931
Comments:67
Thread Kills:39(4%)
AATG Pts:80
Star Rating
Bronze Medal
Alastair said:
Carlo said:
Clang, ching. Clang, ching. This is my earliest memory; the noise of metal on metal. Clang, ching. Clang ching. Over and over; the rhythm of my father's hand. His physical will over the white-hot metal. Clang, ching. Clang, ching.


Sounds good. Works better than 'Clang, dink' certainly.


The sparks from the char-coal furnace, dancing upwards to the open centre of the domed roof in the smoky smithy where I lay in my cot, close by my father. Mesmerised by the playful sparks, lulled by the rhythm of the hammer, and surrounded by the fire's warmth, my childhood was quite peaceful, quite cosy.


Sounds like a HSE nightmare! Did your father have adequate liability insurance?
Well it's based in 10th century middle england, so I think people were much hardier back then :)
#20 at 18:37:14 - 16/07/2007
HairyArse
Flag
Posts:6388
Comments:1774
Thread Kills:127(2%)
AATG Pts:350
Star Rating
Gold Medal
I thought that all books started with the word "Once...."
#21 at 18:41:23 - 16/07/2007
peej
Flag
Posts:14637
Comments:4691
Thread Kills:462(3%)
AATG Pts:400
Star Rating
Gold Medal
Nup - my short story I've just polished off for the OU started with the word "Fuckabix"

Peej

#22 at 18:44:52 - 16/07/2007
HairyArse
Flag
Posts:6388
Comments:1774
Thread Kills:127(2%)
AATG Pts:350
Star Rating
Gold Medal
That sounds super awesome, you should post that piece in here.
#23 at 18:47:05 - 16/07/2007
Menace
Flag
Posts:547
Comments:4
Thread Kills:15(3%)
AATG Pts:60
Star Rating
Start at the other end then..!
#24 at 20:46:54 - 16/07/2007
peej
Flag
Posts:14637
Comments:4691
Thread Kills:462(3%)
AATG Pts:400
Star Rating
Gold Medal
HairyArse said:That sounds super awesome, you should post that piece in here.


I might once it's marked and returned. Don't want to get accused of plagiarism if the tutor says "Oi you fucker, you didn't write this, some idiot on a games forum called Peej did...!"

I like it though - it's the first piece of writing I've done in a long time that I've actually laughed at myself (which I'm well aware probably means that, like the episode of One Foot in the Grave where Victor Meldrew writes a script that he constantly chuckles away to himself about, everyone else will think is shit)

Peej
#25 at 21:03:01 - 16/07/2007

home