I wish they would standardise greeting kisses


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smoothpete
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Anyone else find this embarrassing? I went in to meet a company yesterday about a potential job (woohoo), and saw a lady I used to work with. I went over to say hi, I went for the handshake, she went for the kiss on the cheek. I quickly switched to the kiss, and I think I pulled it off OK but I felt a bit awkward so I pulled back, then I realised she was going for the other cheek too so I had to lean back in... Like, what the fuck is the score? One kiss? Two? None? I didn't know her that well and I was there for an interview so I thought a handshake would do it, apparently not

I'll go for tongues and an arse-grope next time :D
#1 at 12:31:41 - 30/01/2007
deem
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1 kiss, 1 cheek.

If they go for a 2nd, they're the ones that look stoopid.


Alternatively, just grab the cunt, that's what I often do, then they couldn't give a fuck about the kisses.
#2 at 12:34:56 - 30/01/2007
Tiger_Walts
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See, if you passed her little test, you'd have been in the stationery cupboard with her 2 minutes later. Especially if you cleaned your toilet first and had ice for your Baileys.

Or something.
#3 at 12:35:00 - 30/01/2007
smoothpete
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She's MILF hot :D
#4 at 12:37:51 - 30/01/2007
peej
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Whatever you do, don't kiss your wife's auntie on the bare shoulder the first time you meet her

/dies a little inside


Peej
#5 at 12:38:32 - 30/01/2007
Legion
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I'm a 1 kiss 1 cheek kind of guy. Although I like to liven things up by not having a set cheek to go for. Note to everyone reading this - if you don't live life on the edge then you're taking up too much room.

Oh - and you should categorically never make the "M-WAH" sound when cheek kissing.

#6 at 12:39:15 - 30/01/2007
Legion
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Alternatively, if you hate cheeky kissing altogether, next time someone leans in for one, drop your pants, turn around and say "I'll kiss yours after you kiss mine".

#7 at 12:42:15 - 30/01/2007
Truk
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Oh - and you should categorically never make the "M-WAH" sound when cheek kissing.

Yeah. Let out a little groan of pleasure instead.
#8 at 12:45:37 - 30/01/2007
peej
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Oh and never kiss a woman covered in foundation..

/bleeeee


Peej
#9 at 12:45:37 - 30/01/2007
shrimp
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Fold your arms and stare them out?
#10 at 12:47:29 - 30/01/2007
smoothpete
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I also did a couple of very embarrassing handshakes recently with colleagues. Both these guys held their hand out kind of up, so I assumed (both times, fucking idiot) that they were going for the, what's it called, you know, sort of upright thumbshake thing, would form the start of a manly backslap hug, generally reserved for mates and stuff. This:

Linky

WRONG MOVE! I looked this a right charlie after the first time, then I went and did it again later in the week with someone else...
#11 at 12:48:45 - 30/01/2007
Roobs
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Sometimes you get that situation where you don't know whether to kiss someone or just give them a hug when you meet them, then you end up just headbutting each other.
#12 at 12:49:45 - 30/01/2007
smoothpete
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Is that the excuse Spanky uses? ;)
#13 at 12:51:52 - 30/01/2007
Tiger_Walts
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Hug then kiss. You'll know after the hug whether a kiss is appropriate with this person.
#14 at 12:51:56 - 30/01/2007
Roobs
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smoothpete said:Is that the excuse Spanky uses? ;)


Every time. ;)

Good one T_W, that's quite a happy medium I think.
#15 at 12:57:02 - 30/01/2007
shrimp
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Actually what I find even more infuriating than the kissing problem is that fucking limp style of handshake that has crept in recently (?). You know, the one where you kind of just hold the other person's fingers.

What's wrong with the standard one? ( http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Handshake )
#16 at 12:58:21 - 30/01/2007
Legion
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smoothpete said:I also did a couple of very embarrassing handshakes recently with colleagues. Both these guys held their hand out kind of up, so I assumed (both times, fucking idiot) that they were going for the, what's it called, you know, sort of upright thumbshake thing, would form the start of a manly backslap hug, generally reserved for mates and stuff. This:

Linky

WRONG MOVE! I looked this a right charlie after the first time, then I went and did it again later in the week with someone else...

LOL!
#17 at 13:00:09 - 30/01/2007
Truk
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I like to give a firm handshake, so offering me the tips of your fingers is not a good idea.
#18 at 13:00:41 - 30/01/2007
smoothpete
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What's even worse is in France they seem to flip randomly between 2, 3 and 4 kisses. I think it depends how well you know the person. 4 is way, way too many
#19 at 14:24:12 - 30/01/2007
Truk
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That's almost sex.
#20 at 14:27:32 - 30/01/2007
peej
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Ironically the french women I've dated don't like to be kissed during sex...

They do like a damned good hard rogering from behind though.

Peej
#21 at 14:28:41 - 30/01/2007
Dagless
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peej said:Whatever you do, don't kiss your wife's auntie on the bare shoulder the first time you meet her

/dies a little inside


Peej

LOL

I remember that one - great stuff. :)

/once forgot his glasses at a family reunion - result: bear-hugging a total stranger in the belief that it was his aunt
#22 at 14:31:05 - 30/01/2007
Tiger_Walts
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Truk said:I like to give a firm handshake, so offering me the tips of your fingers is not a good idea.
Men should shake their hand with the same strength of grip they wank with. In fact, I believe they already do, anyone who crushes your hand is obviously a strangle-wanker with an inferiority complex.

It's also a good gauge of future lady partners. A deft finger shaker ain't gonna cut it and avoid 'coffee' with any lady that turns your fingertips blue. If she does the buddy-shake, I hope you have lube.
#23 at 14:35:46 - 30/01/2007
Truk
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/wonders whether to be insulted or not...
#24 at 17:43:56 - 30/01/2007
Carlo
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deem said:1 kiss, 1 cheek.
Alternatively, just grab the cunt,
Deem! You dirty old man!
#25 at 17:47:32 - 30/01/2007
FlexibleFeline
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smoothpete said:Anyone else find this embarrassing? Like, what the fuck is the score? One kiss? Two? None?


It's pretty damn awkward, I'll say - took me ages to get used to it in Hungary, and now that I'm in Switzerland for a while, it's back to square one - 3 kisses here...right, left, right (I think). I keep forgetting and pulling away before we're done. Better than kissing a wrinkly shoulder, I guess.

The other question is: do you actually kiss - like lips on face - or do you smack empty air next to the cheek?

Damn my English inadequacies!
#26 at 18:22:51 - 30/01/2007
NewYork
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First kisses

So sweet! :)
#27 at 10:31:33 - 13/05/2011
Syrok
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:D
#28 at 19:17:51 - 13/05/2011
NewYork
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I love how they were told to stop and then still stole some. Too cute. And the boy was over the moon!
#29 at 21:14:48 - 13/05/2011
Ace Grace
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I don't kiss people at all. Just offer a handshake.
#30 at 12:46:32 - 16/05/2011

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