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Thought I would try something different. If this is successful/popular then I'll do it regularly for film that I don't expect much from.

So. Tonight we have Defiance on Blu Ray (starring James Bond) and a large bottle of JD.

Let us begin.
#1 at 00:27:21 - 05/07/2009
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Story so far. They've put trailers on before the film.

Not good trailers either. The first one was for Milk (gay dude being gay), the second was for something called Traitor starring the 'funny' Jeff (not Iron Man guy) and some shite with Dragons followed by Maltesers I think.

Hopefully not an indication of the actual film quality.

Drink 1 done :)
#2 at 00:29:42 - 05/07/2009
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Grainy historical footage from 1941.

Wish they had made this in 3D, that might persuade Mel Gibson.

Now new footage. Clever transition.

Btw. There may be spoilers in this (duh)
#3 at 00:32:35 - 05/07/2009
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Sabretooth and Ballet Boy (Jamie Bell) are watching the Germans shoot people. Jews I believe; it's hard to tell because none of them look like bankers, lawyers or aything like that.

They've found some kid and are running away. Ballet Boy is crying now like a great big pansy.
#4 at 00:34:39 - 05/07/2009
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James Bond! He'll save them! He appears to have giant ears and a funny accent. I think the hat is doing it (ears not voice).

He is Sabretooth's brother.

Oh God. They're all going to try 'German' accents. It's like 'ello 'ello already.

They are hiding in the woods near where people got shot. Hiding and shouting very loudly for some reason. Seems stupid to me.
#5 at 00:37:51 - 05/07/2009
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Kid has found lots of bodies. He is sad. The others are having a nice little campfire.

Lots of new people have randomly appeared in the forest and no-one seems surprised. Not quite as well hidden as they thought I guess.

They are all friends.
#6 at 00:40:08 - 05/07/2009
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Now James Bond is in a house of one of their new friends.

Light! Outside! It is a car. German soldiers are here.

Their friend appears to be a German hiding this ragtag bunch of Jews. Now they are leaving. How dull and predictable.
#7 at 00:43:34 - 05/07/2009
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They are walking through the forest with Schindler. James Bond talks a lot in this and that is such a stupid hat and accent.

Rain. Sat in forest looking at a house. Bond in the house threatening to shoot someone.

Now they are all speaking in German. WTF. Now in English - terrible idea. No consistency. Do it all in English or all in German.
#8 at 00:48:49 - 05/07/2009
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Shot some old guy who killed his father (I think). Bond really has got a rubbery face too.

I'm not sure if we're supposed to be rooting for Sabretooth and Bond. Ballet Boy seems to have been sidelined.

More people. How are they supposed to be hidden when new people just find them so easily? They appear to now be building a giant tree house.

Ugly bloke with gun arrives wants food. I'm sure he was in corry about 15 years ago when I last saw it.
#9 at 00:54:35 - 05/07/2009
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Sabretooth having a mental breakdown, trying to knockdown a tree with his head, because ugly corry dude has told him his family is dead. I think.

How do all these people know everything about each other when they have never met before?

Sabretooth wants to kill germans. Action o/...maybe.

Bond doesn't want to kill. Now he does. Now he doesn't seem to mind throwing them on a truck that's on fire or beating some German soldier to a pulp.

I think he has anger issues. Judy Dench needs to sort him out.
#10 at 00:58:44 - 05/07/2009
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German patrol.

One of them starts pissing on Sabretooth without realising so he stabs him in the leg. Sabretooth has gone Rambo on him and his crew now.

Now another car. They appear to have lots of machine guns.

Run, Jews, run.

This film is stupid.

3 drinks done :)
#11 at 01:01:48 - 05/07/2009
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Another new guy has now found them in the forest. It's that guy that's always evil... Hang on...

Him.

Random fight amongst themselves. People being sad. James Bond seems to be the main lead in this despite his STUPID FUCKING ACCENT. He seems to have lost his hat.

Speech about wanting to live and being human beings. Mel Gibson appears and starts laughing and shooting them all*



*might not be true.
#12 at 01:07:17 - 05/07/2009
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BTW. Feel free to post here.
#13 at 01:08:15 - 05/07/2009
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Now they've found some people hiding under what appears to be a bale of hay. Sabretooth is really called Zeus, apparently. What a stupid name.

I'm sure that the plot will appear at some point. All the 'clever' Jews have awesome hats, all the stupid Jews have flat caps or no caps. I shall use this knowledge in the future if I ever need to find a clever Jew.
#14 at 01:10:26 - 05/07/2009
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Bloke on horse on path. Back to speaking German. Now English.

James Bond has been reminded his wife was killed last week. Jet Skis Jet Skis Jet Skis Jet Skis Jet Skis Jet Skis Jet Skis Jet Skis.

everyone is sat in the forest and it is ...zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz.

SOMETHING HAPPEN.
#15 at 01:14:29 - 05/07/2009
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Some woman offers herself to Sabretooth. Cut away before anything interesting.

Germans! THE GERMANS ARE COMING!.

The Jews run away and appear to have found a goat from somewhere. They're shooting all the Germans in one of the least interesting actions scenes ever.

Now they're talking in German again, to the Germans that they haven't killed. Now in English. STOP IT.
#16 at 01:18:20 - 05/07/2009
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Both sides went they're separate ways. Jews walking across fields. Eating. Bond has a new hat. Not as silly as his other one but nowhere near as awesome as the intellectuals.

New people in forest. There's a pattern here.

They may be Russian. It's hard to tell. Sounds Russian...That's right we're not in English again.
Yep they are Russian or at least part of the Red Army.

They are all friends now. Bond has found a horse, people are building things in the forest again.

Still no idea where this is going.
#17 at 01:23:37 - 05/07/2009
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Sabretooth and Bond have a bit of a fight over nothing interesting. Bond wins, I'm pretty drunk now.

This film is not good. I expect more from Ed Zwick (dir.)
#18 at 01:29:58 - 05/07/2009
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Bond has his stupid hat now. Obviously he didn't lose it.

They appear to have found an entire village of Jews. Guess the Germans aren;t very good at finding things.

1/4 of whiskey gone for someone who barely drinks. I'm also writing a thing which details the future of a multi-billion pound company after this :D Probablility of it meaning anything?
#19 at 01:32:34 - 05/07/2009
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Someone respond. Please? :(
#20 at 01:33:02 - 05/07/2009
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There are loads of Jews in the forest now.

A large number are accountants and are being given guns. Great idea.

This film just seems to be completely pointless, beyond proving to me that drinking while wathing a film is a brilliant idea for judging it.

Dark Knight: Awesome
Heat: Brilliant
Dirty Harry: Excellent
Star Wars 3: What have you done to my childhood, George Lucas, you bastard?
Defiance: zzzzzzzzz
#21 at 01:37:02 - 05/07/2009
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Hmm. I actually wish I was watching the original star wars trilogy back-to-back now.

Anyone tried that with the new ones?

PS. Nothing has happened recently in the film.
#22 at 01:38:47 - 05/07/2009
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SNOW.

Ballet Boy is getting married to some girl. She's kinda cute by film standards. She looks bored and desperate. That appeared from nowhere.

Now Germans and our Jewish friends shooting each other while the marriage montage playes over. Switching between the two.

Typing getting harder. Sorry.
#23 at 01:42:04 - 05/07/2009
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Choice for next film?

Batman Begins
Star Wars 4 (I'll get 1 and 3 if you ant we to)
Spiderman
Other?

Nything that is less than two hours please and not very obscure. I've probably got it. Not comedies and not girly shite.
#24 at 01:46:43 - 05/07/2009
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I would type more about the film but there is still nothing happening. I'm pretty sure that either the film had no need to be made or they should've increased it's scope. Covered more beyond this goddam forest stuff. for example.

PS. Indiana Jones is also up for choosing.
#25 at 01:49:15 - 05/07/2009
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Nothing has happened in the previous 5 minutes. Bit of shooting and someone unimportant may have died.


There is another hour of this to go. Hope it picks up so I can at least attempt to be entertaining. I struggle at the best of times.
#26 at 01:56:42 - 05/07/2009
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1/4 a bottle of whiskey. I do not recommend this film.

It is utterly pointless. it is not entertaining, educational or fun in any way at all.

Still playing with the Russians. Think they played with some Germans. Nothing happened. Still in the fores, still forest.
#27 at 02:01:33 - 05/07/2009
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I would like to apologise for the last 20 minutes but if I was in a cinema then there's a very real chance I would've fallen asleep.

Especially if there was a bar available :D
#28 at 02:07:24 - 05/07/2009
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Planes flying. Bombing Bond.

I just want this to end and am actually posting on EG, despite killing my other account. It's that bad.

I am incredibly drunk.
#29 at 02:20:04 - 05/07/2009
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Shooting Germans. germans Shooting them.

This isn't going to get better. I think they're about to die.

Bond and Sabretooth on a stroll with the other Jews.

no idea what is going on. No longer care. Wish there was a decent Daredevil film for some reason.
#30 at 02:24:30 - 05/07/2009

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