Motorbikes? Anyone? FUCKING HELLO?


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Stevas
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Heh. "Transport".

Kinda the opposite, really. Of "Transport".

At the moment, anyway.

I'll get to that.

I noticed the New Car Smell thread, thought I'd make my own here. For anyone who's more into two wheels than four.

Just me then.

A thread, created by me, with just me posting in it.

Fuck it, not like that's never happened before.
Fuck it, not like that doesn't always happen anyway.

So, I had a new bike. Yeah. A nice shiny new bike. It did smell like a new bike. For the two months I had it.

Then a car driver backed into it, and knocked it over.

I'm guessing there are no bikers in here, so here's a heads up for you all: a bike getting knocked over is a big. Motherfucking. Deal. Yes, yes, there are scratches. There's paintwork damage. A wing mirror here, a footrest there... it's not that big a deal, right?

Wrong.

If you back into a shiny new bike, here's the thought processes of the owner, as he steps out and notices what you've done:

"FUUUUUUUUCKK."
/cries
"YOU CUNT."
/looks around for something blunt and heavy
"I... I went outta my fucking way to buy a new bike, so's I'd KNOW it hadn't been dropped, and then you go and... YOU CUNT."
/still looking, as it happens
"I'll be thinking this drop will have done some hidden damage FOR. FUCKING. YEARS."
/dammit, there's never anything blunt and heavy around when you need it
"In fact, I'll probably only just get over the fact you knocked it over AROUND THE SAME FUCKING TIME I STOP PAYING FOR IT. YOU STUPID, GORMLESS, SPACIAL-AWARENESS RETARDED, FUCKWITTED, CLUMSY, CAR DRIVING, CUNT."
/Finally finds something blunt and heavy
/Is too emotionally drained to follow through the intended GBH
/drops blunt heavy object on own foot

...

Here's the thing. I'm getting a lift home due to a migraine hitting. I'm not especially compus, luckily, as the conversation goes thusly:

"So she knocked it clean over, huh?"
"Yeah. Still waiting to hear the damage."
"I bet you're gutted. I know how I am when I get a new car. I'm always waiting for its first scratch."

Now, had I not been trying to stop myself from passing out due to the pain behind my left eye at the time, I very probably would have reached across and attempted to tear his throat out. This is a guy, remember, who I work with, and who is going out of his way giving me a lift home because I'm unwell.

But... this... car driver... he compared my new fucking bike being knocked over to a fucking scratch. On a car.

I...

Have you ever really, really felt like killing someone? Like...

Anyone?
#1 at 11:11:12 - 25/03/2010
strangeed
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I always had a feeling you biker nuts were dangerous :D

On a more serious note I'm very sorry to hear about the damage to your new love! Hope there isn't actually any internal damage. I've seen someone reverse into someone else's bike, not notice, and then continue reversing crushing the bike into the car behind it. The idiot was on the phone and didn't see me waving frantically on the other side. But then again the owner stepped out of his front door about then as well so it was a bit of a scene.
#2 at 11:30:17 - 25/03/2010
oneiros
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/gutted

I'll be getting my Bandit out of its annual hibernation this weekend; I've had it for ten years and it's worth almost nothing, but I know how bad I'd feel if some idiot drove over it. :(

Similarly, my mate had his XJ1200 stolen from outside our climbing centre last Thursday; it was a pile of shite, with almost no paint on the tank and more miles than I care to think on the clock - but it was his bike and he was devastated...

And bikeless.
#3 at 11:42:49 - 25/03/2010
peej
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I was a biker for a couple of years but I knew if I carried on with it, and didn't progress to something fucking huge that a car wouldn't dare take on, I'd always end up being cut up or otherwise disregarded by other twunts on the road.

Still, now I'm a car driver it's not really much different. I think there must be a little box you have to sign on your purchase agreement on all new volvos, BMWs and Audis where it says something like "Why yes, I am a cunt and my parents weren't married when they had me"
#4 at 11:43:32 - 25/03/2010
Stevas
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Actually, had it been stolen I'd be okay. I mean, then I get an entire new bike. I have GAP insurance. Okay, so I'd have to break it in again (oh, did I mention that this new bike HASN'T EVEN GOT THROUGH ITS BREAK IN PERIOD, DAMMIT?), but at least then I'm not going to go through the next year or so of STILL PAYING FOR IT while letting this drop eat away at me, always suspecting that the engineers looking over it missed something...
#5 at 11:56:28 - 25/03/2010
peej
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I am just waiting for that first moment, the first time I notice a scratch on my new car. Hateful moment, and one that makes me think that we live in the wrong country to own nice shiny things.
#6 at 12:44:00 - 25/03/2010
Stevas
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Um...

wait, you're trying to wind me up, right?
#7 at 12:47:21 - 25/03/2010
peej
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Not really. Just saying I feel your pain, and I'm waiting for an inevitable similar thing to happen to my new pride and joy.

Did I mention Bikers are closet homosexuals?
#8 at 12:53:55 - 25/03/2010
Stevas
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Either you are on a wind up, or you're very confused.

And hey, you did say you tried biking for a while.
#9 at 13:05:10 - 25/03/2010
peej
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Erk, so I did.

I'm not confused. You feel an urgent need to do horrific damage to the person who backed into and knocked over your bike. Replicating the sort of damage on your bike on the person's body. It will silence the voices. For a while.
#10 at 13:36:40 - 25/03/2010
Stevas
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That's as maybe, but I put it to you, sir, that YOU are the one equating the dropping of a bike to a mere scratch. On a car.

On a FUCKING car, at that.

My spending my days since the said drop imagining ever more elaborate methods of inflicting damage on the perpetrator - maybe even going so far as to construct models for the purposes of meticulously planning, to the tiniest detail, just how I would get away with it: that, I'll have you know, is a level of confusion several orders of magnitude below your own.

I shant mention what the models are made out of.
#11 at 13:45:24 - 25/03/2010
peej
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You really do take this whole "anger" thing very seriously don't you.

#12 at 13:50:06 - 25/03/2010
Stevas
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"Anger" thing? Me?

Is this a trick question?
#13 at 13:53:22 - 25/03/2010
Spin Dr Wolf
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Steel the guys car, and drive it off a multistorey car park. Its kind of like dropping it.
#14 at 15:18:53 - 25/03/2010
Stevas
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I sense that... perhaps you've been through this sort of thing?
#15 at 15:24:40 - 25/03/2010
thrawn
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peej said:

Still, now I'm a car driver it's not really much different. I think there must be a little box you have to sign on your purchase agreement on all new volvos, BMWs and Audis where it says something like "Why yes, I am a cunt and my parents weren't married when they had me"


I have a theory about this. All BMWs, Audis, Mercs, etc. are free if you agree to drive like a cunt for the rest of your life. If you do anything in any way decent or respectful in your car, at any point, you automatically have to pay the full price for it.

It's the only explanation I can think of.
#16 at 16:17:40 - 25/03/2010
JimJam
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Genius theory Thrawn !

Stevas, I feel your pain.
#17 at 00:41:38 - 26/03/2010
Boo
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I wonder if there's some way of finding the driver of the car that damaged Stevas's bike, and directing him to this thread.

While Stevas will spend the next few years thinking 'What if there's something wrong with my bike that the repair guys missed?', the driver will spend the next few years thinking 'OH MY GOD, WHAT IF THAT STEVAS GUY EVER FINDS ME???'
#18 at 10:31:14 - 26/03/2010

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