Stupid f**cking corporate security!


Author Reply
ruttyboy
Flag
Posts:343
Comments:22
Thread Kills:3(1%)
AATG Pts:80
Star Rating
Bronze Medal
Oh dear, we have a policy of random searches at work in order to stop people nicking stuff. Anyway I just got an email that's been mailed to the whole company saying,

"Can everyone please be aware that on leaving reception you will be searched.

Thanks"

Fucking genius that is. Guess I'll do all my stealing tomorrow then...
#1 at 15:06:21 - 19/03/2007
peej
Flag
Posts:14637
Comments:4691
Thread Kills:462(3%)
AATG Pts:400
Star Rating
Gold Medal
Tchoh, you're going to have to try and fish that PS3 out of your capacious arse now aren't ya...

Peej
#2 at 15:08:10 - 19/03/2007
Tiger_Walts
Flag
Posts:1599
Comments:322
Thread Kills:67(4%)
AATG Pts:190
Star Rating
Gold Medal
Or leave via an entrance other than the reception?
#3 at 15:09:18 - 19/03/2007
gang_of_bitches
Flag
Posts:111
Comments:0
Thread Kills:5(5%)
AATG Pts:0
Star Rating
Its clearly a policy to make sure only workers without computer access get nicked while we white collar criminals get off scott free.
#4 at 15:10:31 - 19/03/2007
Stevas
Flag
Posts:1783
Comments:260
Thread Kills:39(2%)
AATG Pts:195
Star Rating
Gold Medal
Maybe they're not going to do the searches, and then you'll all be "wtf?" as you walk out and they'll be "Guffaw, chortle - you thought we were gonna search you, you muppets - we were only having a laugh with you; like we'd be stoopid enough to actually tell you when our random searches were!" and you'll be "oh, man? You were pulling our legs?" and they'll be "yeah - through email, obviously," and then you'll go "I was so gonna try and nick something today, too?" and then they'll be "ah-haaaaaa! So YOU'RE the tealeaf!"

See?

/Taps temple
#5 at 15:23:25 - 19/03/2007
Whizzo
Flag
Posts:2712
Comments:146
Thread Kills:51(2%)
AATG Pts:165
Star Rating
Bronze Medal
I've always wondered whether companies that do this sort of thing bother to check the outgoing post much? Most places I've worked you chuck something in the outgoing box, it gets franked and sent without anyone really checking to see if it's supposed to be leaving the premises in the first place.
#6 at 15:30:16 - 19/03/2007
Tiger_Walts
Flag
Posts:1599
Comments:322
Thread Kills:67(4%)
AATG Pts:190
Star Rating
Gold Medal
That would work if Consignia didn't employ thieving cunts.
#7 at 15:37:14 - 19/03/2007
MetalDog
Flag
Posts:279
Comments:5
Thread Kills:7(3%)
AATG Pts:50
Star Rating
0_o

My reaction to being informed I was going to be searched on my way out of work would be, 'no, I'm fucking not, sunshine'. That's outrageous!
#8 at 15:53:43 - 19/03/2007
Stevas
Flag
Posts:1783
Comments:260
Thread Kills:39(2%)
AATG Pts:195
Star Rating
Gold Medal
Alternatively, allow yourself to be searched then sue for sexual harrassment.
#9 at 15:55:27 - 19/03/2007
reality_cheque
Flag
Posts:76
Comments:0
Thread Kills:7(9%)
AATG Pts:0
Star Rating
Tiger_Walts said:That would work if Consignia didn't employ thieving cunts.

Who? You're like a year out of date mate, they've changed back again :P

MD: You might not have a choice, as it's pretty much standard in all the employment contracts I've seen that you will submit to searches at the management's disgression.
#10 at 15:56:55 - 19/03/2007
MetalDog
Flag
Posts:279
Comments:5
Thread Kills:7(3%)
AATG Pts:50
Star Rating
reality_cheque said:MD: You might not have a choice, as it's pretty much standard in all the employment contracts I've seen that you will submit to searches at the management's disgression.


Where the hell do you work? I've /never/ seen that in a contract - even if it was in one, could they make it stick?
#11 at 15:58:44 - 19/03/2007
reality_cheque
Flag
Posts:76
Comments:0
Thread Kills:7(9%)
AATG Pts:0
Star Rating
MetalDog said:Where the hell do you work? I've /never/ seen that in a contract - even if it was in one, could they make it stick?

I've seen it in shops (Games Workshop, Iceland), and call centres (Autoglass, Orange) and IIRC Threshers, Choices Video, Natwest, Bupa and Sainsburys have similar policies.

As to if they can make it stick, I dunno. I've never seen anyone refuse to be searched (except once at Iceland, where someone said "if you want to search me, do it in work hours", so from then on they did). Although GW was a bit of a joke as we had so little management we could steal pretty much anything we liked as long as it wasn't on a Saturday, and a couple of times we drunkenly opened the shop up at 3am after coming out of a club in order to get another box of archers! :D
#12 at 16:08:14 - 19/03/2007
spanky
Flag
Posts:199
Comments:3
Thread Kills:4(2%)
AATG Pts:60
Star Rating
When i worked in computer manufacturing people used to think if they stuck that 1gig simm up there arse the detector wand wouldn't pick it up :D

Not only didn't they realise that every millimetre of the shop floor was covered by the cameras, they didn't realise that security also had the video of them forcing it up there arses in the hardware stacks.

o/
#13 at 16:10:04 - 19/03/2007
ruttyboy
Flag
Posts:343
Comments:22
Thread Kills:3(1%)
AATG Pts:80
Star Rating
Bronze Medal
Yeah as long as they inform you about the policy then I don't think there's anything you can do about it. It's not a stripsearch or anything, just the usual 'Why even bother?' level of security, they just glance in your bag and grunt.
#14 at 16:10:34 - 19/03/2007
ruttyboy
Flag
Posts:343
Comments:22
Thread Kills:3(1%)
AATG Pts:80
Star Rating
Bronze Medal
In fact thinking back they've had it at every place I've worked. Started off thinking it was the thin end of the wedge but quickly realised that there are much easier ways to steal stuff ;)
#15 at 16:13:03 - 19/03/2007
MetalDog
Flag
Posts:279
Comments:5
Thread Kills:7(3%)
AATG Pts:50
Star Rating
Being the way I am with numbers, I can't really go into retail. The more I hear about it, the more I think 'thank fuck'.
#16 at 16:14:12 - 19/03/2007
reality_cheque
Flag
Posts:76
Comments:0
Thread Kills:7(9%)
AATG Pts:0
Star Rating
Yeah, I don't ever want to go back to retail.

It's OK when you're 16 and can spend your time daydreaming about the girls on the tills though.
#17 at 16:17:58 - 19/03/2007
peej
Flag
Posts:14637
Comments:4691
Thread Kills:462(3%)
AATG Pts:400
Star Rating
Gold Medal
I didn't mind my stint in retail. Being like Randall in Clerks to customers all day, then heavily discounting pre-owned to yourself FTMFW!

Peej
#18 at 16:27:14 - 19/03/2007
Whizzo
Flag
Posts:2712
Comments:146
Thread Kills:51(2%)
AATG Pts:165
Star Rating
Bronze Medal
I rather enjoyed my time behind the counter in a video store, I wasn't quite Randall though (it was loooooong before Clerks came out), but I really did enjoy telling teenagers who obviously weren't old enough to rent 18s that they couldn't. All the more amusing by the fact I was only 16 myself so got hold of them when we closed. HAHA!
#19 at 17:06:52 - 19/03/2007
MetalDog
Flag
Posts:279
Comments:5
Thread Kills:7(3%)
AATG Pts:50
Star Rating
My one brush with retail was serving behind the counter at Richmond Ice Rink. I lasted three days before they fired me for overcharging and undercharging people pretty randomly.
#20 at 17:25:28 - 19/03/2007
El_MUERkO
Flag
Posts:708
Comments:71
Thread Kills:26(4%)
AATG Pts:150
Star Rating
Gold Medal
peej said:I didn't mind my stint in retail. Being like Randall in Clerks to customers all day, then heavily discounting pre-owned to yourself FTMFW!

Peej


muhahaha, loved it myself, one and a half glorious years of chartbusters video o/
#21 at 17:46:48 - 19/03/2007
peej
Flag
Posts:14637
Comments:4691
Thread Kills:462(3%)
AATG Pts:400
Star Rating
Gold Medal
I didn't mind my other stint in retail either at Prets...

Customer: "This sandwich is squashed, it looks like it was made by a retard. You look like a retard, GO AND MAKE IT AGAIN!"

Me: "Sure thing! Won't be long..."

(cue Benny Hill "Chase" music as the bread for his next sandwich does a grand tour of the toilet bowl, the staff room floor, under the fridge before being made with all the ingredients thrown away that morning for being a few days out of date)

Me: "Here's your sandwich, have a joy joy day!"

Peej
#22 at 19:47:56 - 19/03/2007
Truk
Flag
Posts:431
Comments:11
Thread Kills:11(3%)
AATG Pts:60
Star Rating
MetalDog said:
Where the hell do you work? I've /never/ seen that in a contract - even if it was in one, could they make it stick?

I think it's standard in retail and common elsewhere. If they do want to search you, it has to be in front of witnesses etc. I think you can still refuse outright, but I guess that'd probably lead to dismissal.

I'm not sure how much this sort of stuff would stand up to a proper legal challenge. I'd guess it's put in there just as a deterrent - if they really thought you were nicking stuff, they'd probably just get the police involved.
#23 at 23:34:20 - 19/03/2007
Harry
Flag
Posts:939
Comments:7
Thread Kills:18(2%)
AATG Pts:0
Star Rating
I quite enjoyed my time at Electronics Boutique. There were plenty of idiot customers, but most of the time the job was a good laugh. We had a great staff of slumming graduates and students and got on very well.
#24 at 00:06:17 - 20/03/2007

home